


lad;

by unintentionallyangsty



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Men Crying, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Non-Consensual Outing, Trans Character, Trans Eggsy Unwin, Trans Male Character, mayhaps self-projection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 19:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20318323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintentionallyangsty/pseuds/unintentionallyangsty
Summary: On an otherwise uneventful afternoon, Merlin calls Eggsy to his office to discuss a potentially sensitive matter, and the conversation spins rapidly out of control from there.Eggsy misunderstands the situation quite dramatically. Merlin is furious and quite out of his depth.And, ultimately, thingskind ofwork out.





	lad;

**Author's Note:**

> apparently my new favorite thing is getting into a new thing about once a month and spitting out at least one quick one-shot for it, because if i don't find at least one special interest to hyper-fixate on (and therefore one character to heavily project upon) at any given time, i die
> 
> (i.e. i got into Kingsman about 4 years too late, and currently cannot decide if i'm in love with Taron Egerton, or if i'd like to be him (leaning toward the latter)

In the very beginning, Eggsy hadn’t even really considered that it might pose too much of a problem. 

Not that he’d necessarily had time to.

Between nearly being drowned his first day of training, relentless sparring, and unnecessarily dramatic aerial exercises, the unspoken “issue”, as it were, had yet to be brought to light.

And Eggsy wasn’t about to make that first move .

Therefore, given the events of the past few months, the idea of it actually raising any red flags for the rest of the Kingsman agents seemed to be slipping further and further from any realm of potentiality. 

Of course, Eggsy knew well, such comfort and good fortune couldn’t exist undisturbed forever. 

Something was bound to storm in and change that and, when that “something” finally did, the very ground that Eggsy had slowly and tentatively began to feel comfortable on was shaken dramatically beneath his feet. 

It had been an otherwise uneventful Tuesday. Most Tuesdays the trainees had relatively free, their usually rigid day-to-day routine loosened ever so slightly to open some room for extracurricular sparring, dog-training, or the rare sit-down with a book--

Or even, occasionally, to enjoy each other’s company. 

They’d been training for nearly 10 months, and Eggsy considered somewhat reluctantly, hiking JB closer to his side as he buried his nose deeper into the book in his lap (something ridiculously long and drawn out that Harry had lent him, almost a month before) that he might _actually _be starting to enjoy his time with the other, somewhat difficult trainees. 

Most of them, at any rate.

However, he thought distantly, the occasional afternoon spent in (almost) complete solitude didn’t go amiss. 

His mobile pinged from where it was sat on his side table, and Eggsy frowned a bit irritably at the interruption before reaching a hand out to retrieve the item. 

_Meet me in my study.-M_

Eggsy’s frown deepened as his eyes scanned the words once, twice. 

Merlin calling him to his study meant one of two things, he’d come to realize; either he was to be debriefed on some going on within the agency that both Merlin and Harry felt that he was better off being privy to, or--

Eggsy swallowed thickly. Or, more likely, it meant that he had fucked up royally. 

Wasting no more time, Eggsy turned and swung his legs over the side of the bed, wincing slightly when JB whimpered a bit at having been jostled. 

“Sorry, boy.” Eggsy murmured, scratching absently at the pug’s head as he hastily stood. “Gotta go.” 

Outside the room, as Eggsy hastened down the many long and arduous corridors of the facility, his phone pinged again, and the message on the screen did nothing to quiet the racing of his heart. 

_Don’t waste any time.-M_

Eggsy’s stomach churned as he registered the message. 

‘Fucked up royally’, it was. 

It took him less than 10 minutes to reach Merlin’s study, and yet every minute seemed to stretch into an eternity. By the time he had reached the heavy oak doorway, Eggsy was heaving for breath, his mind reeling through all the potential outcomes of the conversation he was about to stumble half-blind into. 

He could hardly remember anything he had done over the past several months that would require such a private council (read: talking to).

Rather, Eggsy considered distantly as he extended a hand to grasp at the cool handle of the door, he had sort of assumed that he had been doing quite well in his training. 

All things considered. 

With a heavy sigh, Eggsy squared his shoulders and, without wasting any more time on considering the potential minefield of disasters that would undoubtedly make up the conversation ahead, turned the doorknob and stepped into the low-lit space that was Merlin’s private study. 

“Eggsy.” Merlin growled from the corner of the room, dropping something held in one hand quickly into one of his desk drawers and standing in one quick, fluid motion. 

Had Eggsy’s attention not been drawn to it, he might have missed the sound of Merlin shutting the drawer with his knee as he did so. 

“Haven’t you learned to knock yet?” Merlin demanded, his tone holding a somewhat sharper edge than Eggsy had anticipated. 

“Guess I’m a bit slower on the uptake, on that one.” he replied lazily, though he was unable to quite shake the tension he could feel building just above his shoulder blades as he had entered the space. 

“Whatcha got there?” he inquired as he jutted his chin in the direction of the hastily closed drawer, unwilling to waste time with pleasantries. 

Especially not now that he’d caught the brief flash of panic that lit up just behind Merlin’s eyes, however carefully the latter tried to conceal it. 

“Ehm.” Merlin coughed, before sinking into his desk chair with forced casualty. “Have a seat, Eggsy.” 

“‘M fine, thanks.” Eggsy replied easily, striding forward to lean one hip against the solid wood of Merlin’s desk. “You wanted to see me? Seemed a bit urgent.” He tried for teasing, but the dryness at the back of his throat had the attempt sounding a bit forced, even to his own ears. 

“Aye.” Merlin nodded, something of his usually cool and composed demeanor buckling slightly, again. 

And if that didn’t have Eggsy all but panicking…

“Merlin?” he inquired, straightening slowly and taking a small step backward and away from the other man. “What’s going on?” 

“N--” Merlin cut himself off, grimacing slightly, _openly_, before shaking his head and starting over. 

“I’ll not talk to ya until you’re seated.” 

Eggsy blinked, before stepping forward and falling into the seat opposite Merlin, more out of habit than direct obedience. 

“Alright.” he croaked, and nearly grimaced at how weak his voice came out. “So talk.” 

Merlin hesitated (something Eggsy had almost never witnessed, in the long 11 months he had known the man), something almost like pain flashing over his expression, before he seemed to forcibly compose himself and straightened, leaning forward to rest both elbows composedly on the edge of his desk. 

“Eggsy.” he began, coolly, “I’ll be frank with you. I’m not sure what the protocol is, given our current situation, and am therefore quite unsure if I am breaking it.” 

There was a brief pause, before Eggsy nodded slightly, feeling almost as if Merlin were awaiting his permission to continue. 

“Therefore,” Merlin continued, somewhat quieter than before, “I will tell you that I do not offer you this information as a mentor or a handler. Simply as a--a friend.” 

“Merlin.” Eggsy interrupted, his stomach dropping sickeningly at the unfamiliar territory as he repeated, “What’s goin’ on?” 

Merlin blinked, eyeing Eggsy through narrowed eyes for a long, tense moment, before exhaling a weary breath through his nose, and leaning back to open the drawer to his left. 

“Someone--” Merlin began, seeming to be taking the time to choose his words carefully, as if the territory were quite unfamiliar to him, as well. “Someone within our facility, they--”

He paused, glancing briefly up at Eggsy before tossing something onto the desktop between them.

“They brought me this.” he finally finished, his tone clipped and held totally professional. “Told me it was yours.” 

Eggsy’s brow furrowed, and he cast Merlin one last wary look before glancing down at the item on the desk.

Immediately, Eggsy felt his stomach lurch sickeningly, his face draining dramatically of all color as he studied the item between them blankly. 

For laid out on the desk, among Merlin’s scattered pens and crumpled paperwork, was one of Eggsy’s binders.

He thought he’d been careful, Eggsy thought distantly, his breaths beginning to leave him in short, shallow pants. He’d been so careful--made sure to hide his binders between and beneath piles of the rest of his clothing. He had been careful to keep his chest concealed, to only shower alone, had--had--

_How had this happened?_

“I don’t know.” Merlin spoke, and only then did Eggsy realize that he must have spoken his last question out loud. “Only seems that it _did_. And--”

“Charlie.” Eggsy interrupted, his tone dropping into something cool and dangerously level, now. 

Of course it had been Charlie. There was no one else within Kingsman that would take the initiative to delve so deeply, so invasively into his personal life.

Only he would be depraved enough to bring something like this to the higher-ups.

To _Merlin_, of all people.

The thought made Eggsy’s stomach churn sickeningly again.

“What--” Merlin began. 

“Charlie.” Eggsy repeated, his hands gripping the arms of his chair so tightly he halfway feared that the cool leather might split beneath the hold entirely. “That fucking wanker.”

“Eggsy--”

“That absolute--”

“Eggsy--”

“_Shithead_!”

“Eggsy!” Merlin snapped, standing so quickly that Eggsy flinched back a bit at the sudden movement. 

Something almost like regret flickered over Merlin’s expression, and he sat back down, almost meekly, then.

“Eggsy.” he repeated, his tone held carefully calm and even. “I didna tell you this to send you on some kind of...hairbrained revenge mission.” 

Eggsy frowned, shaking his head slightly at the words. 

Of course, that wasn’t at all what he had expected the news to be about. And--And yet--

What was it about, in that case?

Distantly, Eggsy felt his stomach drop, and he knew that he had found his answer.

As unwilling as he was to face it.

“I--” he croaked, swallowing thickly before forcing himself to square his shoulders and nod. “I understand, sir.” 

“Eh?” Merlin replied, cocking his head slightly, though Eggsy hardly registered the movement. 

Instead, he busied himself with standing slowly, clasping both hands politely behind his back and, when he found the strength to do so, jutted his chin out strongly, glancing firmly over Merlin’s shoulder and refusing to meet his eye. 

“Is--” he broke off, hating the way his voice cracked pitifully, and blinked rapidly against the stinging that was quickly building behind his eyes. 

_C’mon, Eggsy,_ he chided himself. He’d known that this was coming, hadn’t he?

As much as he’d convinced himself that it wasn’t, he’d _known_. 

“Tomorrow alright?” he finally managed, past the lump in his throat. 

Despite him not watching, Eggsy could practically feel Merlin’s slow blink, and the other man paused a long moment before replying, “I’m not quite sure I follow, Eggsy.” 

It must have been a beast of a thing for him to admit, and Eggsy would have chuckled, on any other occasion. 

Now, he simply grimaced and repeated, “Tomorrow. I can have my things packed by then, sir.” 

He didn’t want to go home tonight. Didn’t want to face his mother’s confusion when he showed back up on the doorstep after months away, shamefaced, at 4 o’clock in the morning. Didn’t--

Wasn’t ready to face Dean, just yet. 

There was a pregnant pause, before Merlin stood hastily, the sound of his chair scraping against the wood of the floor echoing through the space loudly enough to make Eggsy jolt.

“If--” Eggsy cut himself off, his gaze flickering down to meet Merlin’s--

Only to be struck dumb by the open, genuine confusion there, mingled with something so close to righteous anger it nearly knocked the air from Eggsy’s lungs there and then. 

“I--” he stuttered, shaking his head slightly. “I--I thought--”

“I didna tell you this for revenge purposes.” Merlin interrupted sharply, a deep V beginning to form between his brows. “Nor did I tell you as a dismissal.” 

Immediately, Eggsy felt the deep tension that had begun to build up in his shoulders begin to deflate, and he nearly had to catch himself on the edge of Merlin’s desk as the words truly began to sink in. 

“Wha--” 

“You’re not being dismissed.” Merlin repeated firmly, a low fury hidden just behind his words. “_Christ_, Eggsy! Why would you think that?”

“I--” Eggsy only shook his head again, unable to form a coherent reply past the tightening of his throat. 

For want of anything better to do, the younger man lowered himself back into the chair behind him.

It was only then that he realized how violently his hands were trembling, and he quickly clasped them tightly together to hide them between his knees.

“Lad,” Merling murmured, rounding the desk before Eggsy could really register what he was doing and kneeling to a crouch before Eggsy’s chair. “Don’t ever, ever think that.” he extended a hand and, in an action so unfamiliar that Eggsy nearly recoiled, nudged slightly at Eggsy’s chin with his thumb and forefinger. “You’re as much Kingsman material as any of them. This changes nothing.” 

There was a beat, before Eggsy inhaled a tremulous breath, and held it for a long, painful moment before releasing it on a shuddering, wet exhale. 

“Okay,” Merlin murmured as Eggsy all but collapsed forward, his face tucking neatly in against Merlin’s neck as he inhaled painfully. 

“Alright.” the Scotsman continued, raising a hand to run his fingers, somewhat stiffly, through the short hair cropped at Eggsy’s neck. “Alright, lad. It’s alright. You’re alright.” 

“It--” Eggsy choked out, forcing another inhale before he reeled back and met Merlin’s eyes with his own, still brimming with moisture. “You don’t mind?”

“I don’t.” Merlin answered simply, but firmly, extending a hand to grasp at Eggsy’s shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter?” Eggsy demanded, somewhat wildly, his heart stuttering slightly in his chest when Merlin’s expression turned somewhat stormy. 

“It doesn’t.” Merlin repeated stonily. “It never will. Not here. And, if it ever does, to anyone,” here he raised a brow, ever so slightly. “Then you tell me immediately. Understood?” 

Eggsy hesitated, his gaze flickering over Merlin’s expression before he nodded tentatively. 

“Alright.” he finally relented, sniffling noisily and glancing away to study the far wall beyond Merlin’s shoulder. 

“There’s a good lad.” Merlin replied, squeezing Eggsy’s shoulder slightly before releasing his grip and standing. 

And Eggsy, despite himself, already began to feel cold at the lack of contact. 

“Again,” Merlin began, rounding his desk as he spoke and making to rearrange some of the items on the surface of it. “I didna tell you to fuel any particular fire.” he shot Eggsy a warning look. “Nor did I intend to single you out.”

When Eggsy only frowned slightly in confusion, Merlin sighed before continuing, “I told you simply to keep you informed and--” he coughed slightly, “And to let you know that we’re here to look out for you. Always, lad.” 

Eggsy blinked, and blinked again to quell the stinging he could already feel beginning to build back up behind his eyes. 

“Right,” he murmured, sniffing noisily again before standing and offering Merlin a somewhat tremulous smile. “Thank you, Merlin.” 

The words were quiet, and Eggsy realized distantly that they may have been some of the most sincere that he had offered the Scotsman, to date. 

This, however, didn’t mean that there wasn’t room for improvement, in the future. 

“Aye.” Merlin replied, something close to warmth sparkling behind his expression as he offered Eggsy a small smirk. “You’re dismissed.”

Eggsy nodded sharply, a small smile worming its way onto his face as he turned on his heel to leave. 

“And Eggsy?” 

Eggsy paused, turning to meet Merlin’s somewhat tentative gaze over his shoulder. 

“If you need anything--anything at all...I want you to let myself or Galahad know immediately. Is that understood?” 

The words hung on the air between them for a moment and, before he could stop it, Eggsy’s face split into a blinding grin. 

“Understood, sir.” he replied with another nod. 

“You’re doing well, lad.” Merlin offered, almost too quiet to hear, before he gestured toward the door and shook his head slightly. “As I said. Dismissed.” 

“Yes, Merlin.” Eggsy replied quickly, unable to wipe the smile from his face as he turned back and exited the room entirely.

His chest, he realized, felt lighter than it had in months (or perhaps years), and he continued back down the corridor with a renewed energy in his stride, Merlin’s words echoing on repeat through his mind. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a slut for a good Found Family trope
> 
> thumbnail: Eggsy is trans and that's just inarguable. no copies just fax  
(i'm not really on tumblr anymore, but find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/DasaniDisney) if you'd like to watch me tweet sporadically about Moomins and Taron Egerton)


End file.
